Short transmission from the Timescanner concerning whether or not you are succeeding at life. Written and produced by Richard R Penner. Noises by Psychic Mold. This episode also features music by Brad Smith.

Transcript for 1x04 THE BIG RAID

Transcript for The Infinite Now episode #1378324 THE BIG RAID originally broadcast to Earth, Feb 10, 2016. This recording survives. Listen to it here.

TIMESCANNER: Other factors with which we could judge the success of life, such as happiness or having a positive impact on the world, are impossible to quantify. When we focus on these things we get confused and lose our way. So we substitute wealth as a clear and quantifiable goal and pretend that success is a hierarchical system.

To join the quest for wealth is a Role Playing Game.

Your deposit slip is the gold spilled after slaying an orc. Graduating to a new tax bracket is leveling up. Watch your net worth closely. How many hit points do you have left? What are your vital stats? Your diversified investment portfolio is your arsenal of swords, maces, and battle axes. Splurging on some Armani chain mail may be a necessary expense. It ups your clout points by 50 and grants you access to the forbidden temple where the dragons with the real treasure wait to be slain. Are you ready for that big raid or are you hoping to pay off our mortgage first?

Are you winning at life?

(temporal static.)

TIE CRYSTAL INTERFACE: Transmission complete.