Your Aunt Beth has developed her own method of divination using polaroids and decorative paper: precognitive scrapbooking.
Written and produced by Richard R Penner. Your Aunt Beth was performed by Rita Penner.
The amazing music for this episode is by Psychic Mold, Dr Quandary, Aliceffekt and Matthew Schoendorff. Find more of their music at:
Psychic Mold www.psychicmold.bandcamp.com
Dr Quandary www.DoctorQuandary.com
Matthew Schoendorff www.matthewschoendorff.com/
Transcript for 1x17 PRECOGNITIVE SCRAPBOOKING
The following is an annotated transcript of episode #1682235 of The Infinite Now. Originally broadcast from outside of space-time to Earth, June 30th 2015. Despite the recurring "accidents" that destroyed a majority of the intercepted Infinite Now recordings, this recording still survives. Listen to it here.
CRYSTAL: Incoming transmission from The Timescanner.
CRYSTAL: Entertaining Fellow Time Agents stationed in the field. working in secret to maintain the integrity of the Space time Continuum. broadcasting to you from Time Crystal Omega at the heat death of the universe. here is your host. The Timescanner. and this is The Infinite Now.
(Scissors cutting card stock.)
TIMESCANNER: Scrapbooking is the modern alchemy.
(Your Aunt Beth is humming to herself.)
TIMESCANNER: Your Aunt Beth has reached enlightenment and now she's transmuting polaroids into winning lottery numbers.
YOUR AUNT BETH: That. That's going to be a trip to Hawaii.
TIMESCANNER: In a trance state. Eyes closed. With automatic snips of decorative scissors. She's channeling the steps to a new method of divination: Precognitive Scrapbooking.
YOUR AUNT BETH: I think this would look good with some blue right there.
TIMESCANNER: With cut paper and glitter glue arranged into sacred geometry, Your Aunt Beth coaxes images from the snapshot's photosensitive chemicals like images from a crystal ball.
YOUR AUNT BETH: Let's do this photo and this photo right there. Yeah. Oh yeah. That looks good. I like that. Ok.
TIMESCANNER: These "Reverse Polaroids" fade from yellow into perfect visions of what is yet to come.
YOUR AUNT BETH: ...I think a good border would be a good idea...
TIMESCANNER: Then they turn black right before the event happens. Your Aunt Beth's Precognitive Scrapbook is in chronological order and the first half of it is nothing but blacked out photos. The latter half is full of polaroids as clear as day You can see what's coming next in Your Aunt Beth's life but you don't know exactly when it's going to happen.
YOUR AUNT BETH: That's half of the fun of trips is anticipation anyway. It really is. It's a lot more fun if you've got time to look forward to it ahead of time and then when I get done with all my trips it's like, "aww, I've got nothing to look forward to." I need to have a trip in the future. Something to plan on. Something to look forward to.
TIMESCANNER: You see a group shot of you and your family at an unexpected upcoming reunion.
YOUR AUNT BETH: This picture right here. This is all of us where we're going to be in the summertime when we go to the coast. Isn't this great? I just love this. You're going to have such a good time. I'm going to have such a good time. We're all going to enjoy it so much and we'll enjoy each other so much.
TIMESCANNER: Why would you attend this? You're a busy person.
YOUR AUNT BETH: She should be in this too. Where could she be? Oh my goodness she's not in the photo.
TIMESCANNER: A certain larger than life family member is noticeably absent from the Reverse Polaroid.
YOUR AUNT BETH: Oh. I'm concerned about that. Mmm. Where could she be?
TIMESCANNER: You realize that the family reunion in this photo is not another family vacation paid for my Your Aunt Beth's lOttery winnings...It's a funeral. You snatch a rapidly dimming photo from the binder and speed dial the person missing from it.
(A Muffled Voice answers the phone.)
MUFFLED VOICE ON PHONE: Hello?
TIMESCANNER: "Hey," you say. "I just called to say how much you mean to me."
MUFFLED VOICE ON PHONE: Oh my gosh I'm so happy to hear from you! (laughter)
TIMESCANNER: We record the time we have with those we love in fragile chemical reactions. In polaroids and in the chemistry of our own memory. These bonds break down over time. Your Aunt Beth walks quietly into the room as you hang up the phone from an all too brief conversation. She holds up a winning Powerball ticket.
YOUR AUNT BETH: Oh, I'm so sorry, honey...theres...Let's build a pyramid for her. Memories are wonderful but they're so fragile. They just go away. SO let's build her something that's going to last longer than the memories. Let's build that pyramid. Let's build that for her.
TIMESCANNER: And this is how Your Aunt Beth commissioned the first pyramid to be built in over 5000 years. When you die she'll build one for you as well. Grab some graph paper now. Start planning your pyramid's traps and curses, secret messages and hidden hallways. Leave interactive experiences for future generations to remember you by.
CRYSTAL: This has been and will always be The Infinite Now.
CRYSTAL: Transmission complete.